Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Whats up with men and more than one pair of legs?

I have guy friends that throw comments like "One girl is never enough to screw! You need variety". Variety my left ankle! A vagina is vagina! Men act like they were born to screw.

My mum once said to me "All men cheat", and she was sincerely telling me this. Men freaking do what??? She sat me down and this is how the convo went:

Mum: Mwanangu (my child), I know you are in love and naive. This guy is a good guy and I can see kuti there might be a future.

Me: (smiling) I am glad you like him mum, he will be very happy to hear that. (I ignored "naive")

Mum: Yah mukwasha (son-in-law) and you have scored yourself a good guy.

Me: Mhamha stop with all the flattering (huge grin on my face)

Mhamha: Asi why we are sitting here is coz I want to tell you the reality of life (me intently listening). You know I was once married and your father is the only one I loved but all men are the same.

Me: (getting defensive) No, "Nhingirikini" is different!

Mhamha: Chimbonyara undinzwe (keep quiet and listen)

Me: (rolling eyes and mumbling)

Mhamha: Murume murume (a man is a man) whether you wanna believe me or not. You are gonna get married and I want you to know that if he cheats on you its normal. Typical men behaviour (me shocked look) and all men are bound to do it no less than 5 or 8 times during the course of their marriage (jaw dropped)... if you are lucky (jaw broken!). You father had 6 other children out of this marriage when we were still to together and the other one is your age and you know it.

Me: "nhingirikini" is not like my father.

Mhamha: Is he a man?

Me: I don't know, is he one? (sarcastically)

Mhamha: Mwanangu, you can be cheeky all you want but one day uchauya uchichema misodzi yeropa (you will come crying tears of blood) and I will tell you the words my sister once told me before i got married. And i acted the exact way you doing now.

Me: Which are? (frowning)

Mhamha: "I told you so"

Me: Mhamha I don't wanna talk about this, I wont stay for crap like that like ya'll did (really fuming) I will make him go stay with his whore! (then I walk out)

You know it got me thinking. What kind of a society says the cheating of men is acceptable coz they are "men". Maybe I am mad or something but I will NOTT sit, smile and look while my dignity is being torn apart by a cheating man. And stay at home trying to make an unworking marriage work! I will NOTTTTT!!

BF better not even consider it, but he wouldn't, I know him too well and been with him long enough, given him enough reason to cheat but he has never. I guess what you don't know wont kill you. I better not find out if he does...but he wouldn't

Freakin hell it ain't normal!!!!!

Thursday, December 3, 2009


You know its sad. Its really sad. The fact that I know so many Zimbabweans here in South Africa that are ashamed to be classified as Zimbabweans, being who they are, duh. I have come to a conclusion, that there are 3 types of Zimbos, around me that is. And the first type is the

  • Proudly Zimbabwean

This Zimbabwean makes sure that the people around him/her know where they come from. They don't really care about stupid comments about how funny their accent is. This Zimbabwean most of the time holds a diploma in teaching but doesn't mind working as a landscape tech a.k.a. garden boy or assistant home improver a.k.a. sisi vebasa. This Zimbabwean has most of the time one thing in common with the other following two that I will mention and that is the fact that most, if not all, Zimbabweans are hard working. I am hearing 'amens' as i finished the above statement.

and the 2nd one is

  • Maybe Zimbabwean

Now this one, eish, this one. This one is the kind that checks out to see if its necessary to blurp out that "I am Zimbabwean". When asked, so where are you from, this kind responds by saying something in the lines of "Why do you wanna know?" or "I'm from around" or "I wont tell you coz you will judge me". This kind is some what afraid of being criticized coz of their nationality. I have seen it happen a lot. This one is a sceptic one. You have to be very close to their heart to know that they are Zimbabwean.

Last but not least is

  • Me? Zimbabwean?

LMAO!! This one kills me coz i have lots of cousins and friends that are exactly like this, lol. The thought of it just makes me LOL! Ok ok ok, breeeeath....hahaha....wooooosa....hehehe. Ok already...LOL. Eish veduwe. This one DENIES being a Zimbabwean! They want nothing whatsoever to do with Zimbabweans. This kind of Zimbabwean has the birth and ID to prove that they are not Zimbabwean. They can speak one or more of the South African languages hence giving them ground to stand on and actually have the "intestines" to say "nah, I am Zulu" that's BULL POOP!!! This kind of Zimbabwean wants only to hang around SA's coz then as they say "birds of the same feather flock together". I know of people that walk around acting as if havatauri! I have a cousin that lied to his now ex girlfriend, whom he dated for 2 years, that he was from Morocco. He said to her his name was 'Nalla', and that his mom was SAfrican but his dad was the one from Morocco. Now here is the sad thing my dears, I had to play along! I had to act like I was also from Morocco and my name was...ummm....whats it....damnit I am forgetting. I think my name was 'Lalla' or something around those lines and for a long freaking 2 years I had to be a Moroccan around her coz he was to scared that she would dump his sorry unworthy Zimbabwean ass! But this girl was also a bit outah it. I mean we would speak Shona around her and he would just lie to her that its a Moroccan language and she bought it! He even had a name for it, LMEHBAO (if you are wondering it means 'lafin-my-extremely-huge-black-ass-off)! hahahahaha.

At the end of the day, this is sad sad sad! I can honestly say Zimbabweans are very hard working. I think its the circumstances in which we come from or the way we were raised, I don't know.

As u read this post I want you to categorise yourself and see which one you are. And if there is any other type that I didn't mention please let your girl know.

Till I drop another

xxxNgano iyi ndeyangu

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The cute cannibal (Part 2)

He was 'my' catch. And that's the way it was gonna be.

The very next day well we spoke. He liked me and unlike all the other girls in my day that would say "ndichafunga", I jumped the gun and said lets do this. I was ready to have a hot guy to roll with for a month or few. None of my teenage relationships really lasted longer than 2 months really, hence the long list of guys that i dated coz I used to jump from this one then the next. Before you judge me, I had never been sexually active that's why most guys would dump me after 1 or 2 months of trying to get it on with me. I wasn't an easy one :)

Scott was a real charm. For all I knew, most of the girls that used to come to the library thought he was really hot. He had naturally curly hair, he had this cute smirk whenever he spoke, he used to dress nice, real nice. He was really light (its a shame that most of us were raised to think that only light people are beautiful, what a abominable lie! makes me sick to the gut!!) and hey when you describe him to people its like you would say "anoita kunge mukaradhi!". Everyone knows kuti coloureds are beautiful right? ...well weather you answer this to yourself or not, you must admit that these are the perceptions we sort of grew up with!

In my day if you heard that someone was dating a white person the whole rokesheni will be knowin. I remember when my cuz once said he was dating a white chic. He was here in SA at that time and we were all still in Zim. I am telling you he was the talk of the hood. Whenever I passed through a fellow neighbours house all you would hear is "hanzvadzi yako yemurungu iya irikuuya rinhi naye timuone?" It was the in thing. I think there are certain areas it still is. Anyway what happens with my brother is that they plan to come and as you might understand, the whole hood is waiting in anticipation. Ok fine, they arrive.... what the hell she is black? Ain't she suppose to be white? didn't he say he was rolling with a white sister?? Yah but apparently he meant it as a figure of speech coz she was light skinned and his mother some how took it out of context! lol! Still kills me to this day, lol, the looks and the whispers from the neighbours! hahaha, priceless I tell you!

Scott was my 'white' black guy. He was cute...

But little did I know...behind all that innocence was a monster waiting to be unleashed at any given time.

Till I drop another

xxxNgano iyi ndeyangu

Thursday, November 26, 2009

The cute cannibal (Part I)

I was just getting ready to go study. My friend, Hazvi and I we were both in form 4 and it was the end of year so it was quite hectic if you know what I'm saying. There was a studying place we used to go to..umm...I forgot what the name is but it was a catholic place and there was a library there.

Me and Hazvi, we was tight. She was my girl and vice versa. I loved her. She was always so conscious about her boobs. Well she had the tiniest boobs I had ever seen and she had a mini moustache (that didn't help the situation). But I loved her... she was different and so was I. I was a tom tom boy (note the emphasis) and I was extremely embarrassed of my boobs, they were big for my age but now they are just right. I hated them so much so that i would wear a huge jacket on a blazing hot summer day (Zim is hot in summer!!). I guess we just grew up being made fun of that's why we were so close. People didn't understand us but we understood each other.

Anyway, we got there and we got to work. Me and my girl, we were very intelligent. We were in the first class at school and so passing was just the norm, term in and term out! But I used to get bored easily with reading, so I would distract her. I would tell her I wanted to go for a walk and yah we would go. Just around the catholic premises though.

Then he walked in. Damn he was fine!! Average height, light caramel skin, he had a TWA (teeny weeny afro) and most of all he was CUTE! When I was growing up nothing else mattered as long as he was cute. Mwana ainge akanaka! He was hot.. and I wanted him.

I didn't look too hard coz I didn't want him to think I was too desperate. So I just stole a few glances now and again and yes you guessed it! He noticed me! I was chuffed but I made it seem like I wasn't available and gave him the "so don't even try Mr." kinda look. I made sure I let Hazvi know that I was gonna get him and well we made a bet like what we did with all the other guys. I never lost my catches, NEVER.

I am not like the girl in magazine, not even close. I have never been skinny my whole life, I am dark skinned, I had a hunch back coz of all the books I used to carry in my huge satchel so i used to be a bit bent when walking and hello, tom boy? That was sure to chase all the fellas away right? Wrong! I had this charm with the guys that was hard to resist. I cant explain it. Maybe i will in another story but for now...

And he was a catch and I planned on keeping him 'my' catch

Till I drop another

xxxNgano iyi ndeyangu (this is my story)